as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
