just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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