I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
