I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize