very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
