youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
