I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
