in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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