the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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