Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
