I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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