Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
