ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize