I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
