I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
