so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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