Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
