she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
