im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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