i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
