is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
