We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
