im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
