I wish my penis had an off switch
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
