Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
