this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
