They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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