when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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