I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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