oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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