yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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