I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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