I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Randomize
