Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize