You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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