quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
