I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
