I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
