He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize