Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
