I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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