Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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