I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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