she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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