if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
