I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize