i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
