Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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