i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
