Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
