My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
