Define "chronic" masturbator.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
