clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
