Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
