Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
