i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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