I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize