What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
