So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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