I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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