Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
