please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She tied me up with her honor cords...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
