I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
