I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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