The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
