I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
