He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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