my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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