Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
