Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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