Don't you send me to vm
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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