Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
