I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
