I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
