I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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