Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
