I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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