Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
