it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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