I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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