Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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