what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
