dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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