Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
