She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
