everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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