I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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