I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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