I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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