I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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