I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
