I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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