guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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