He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize