Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
