haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
