Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
