where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
