I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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