Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
