I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
