You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
