I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
